Wallowing in Colors and Word

Today’s article was written by Elizabeth from HopeMaybe.com as a response to my request for reader participation with the Replenish Journal and the Luxury List. Elizabeth, thank you for sharing with all of us.

Wallowing in Colors and Word

by Guest Author – Elizabeth from HopeMaybe.com

I was the kid who kept the perfectly sharpened box of 64 color crayons. I loved the smell and feel and spent hours drawing lines and squigglies, experimenting with palettes (sets of colors that look good together). I also loved fingerpaints. I loved how the fingerpaints could be mixed to make new colors in so many different hues and shades, and how you could etch lines in the paint with your fingernail. My mother was always saying my hands were never the color they were supposed to be. When I used watercolors, I even loved how the water in the glass would change color, finally getting so dark that you had to get a fresh glass.

I also wrote books. My first book, at the age of 4, when I had absolutely no idea how to put a book together, was a series of papers, taped carefully with the bottom of one page attached to the top of the next page. My mom said I would trail the book from room to room to see how long my story was getting. Of course, I colorfully illustrated all my books with my set of crayons or with watercolors. I tried fingerpaints once, but they got a little messy and covered up some of the words.

For many years, as I got busy in high school and college, I was writing too often for assignments and stopped writing and drawing for fun. Then I got married, had two boys, and life continued to be too busy to do much for myself. As I have found out this past few years, I actually am a co-dependent. I took care of others. First, an emotionally needy husband, then an alcoholic second husband, then two handicapped dogs as my boys got older and no longer needed me as much. I did not take care of myself. I thought I was doing the right thing, what every good woman was supposed to do, never realizing that by not taking care of myself first, I was losing my identity and my self. That I was running out of anything to give.

So the past few years I have been learning to not be co-dependent. I have reached back into my early years and started wallowing in color. It started one day when I impulsively stopped and went into an office supply store and found a set of colored pencils and a sketch pad. They can be used dry, or dipped in water to create an interesting paint-like effect. I try to take time each week to just sit back and draw. I splurge on interesting paper and art supplies when I am feeling sad. I’ll never be artistic or have a show. My drawings are too crude for that. I just love putting color to paper and looking at it. I tape the paintings to my refrigerator to look at until I get tired of them and tape a new one up.

After a few months of drawing, I started writing too. I started writing about my life and saving the stories to my hard drive. Just a few weeks ago I got brave and started a blog. I decided that my experiences as a co-dependent and life with an alcoholic could help give hope to someone else. So now I try to blog everyday. It’s so cathartic for myself, and I hope that once people find my site, they will also be inspired and be given hope.

picture from Elizabeth. Visit her blog - HopeMaybe.com.